Christmas Rant - Rumballs

[Jorlcrin]

My [somewhat] tongue-in-cheek Christmas Rant...

What sort of a Nanny-State do we live in, when people sell rumballs with no rum in them, and argue they 'couldnt POSSIBLY have rum in them, due to the risk to the general public'?
RUMBALLS??
Doesnt give the (village idiot) buyer a hint as to what might be in them?
Why not be more accurate, and simply sell them as 'BALLS'??

Furthermore, when you look at most Home Rumball recipes, they mention 1-2 tablespoons of standard rum(UP - 37.5%) to the batch; dependant on how risque you feel....
Now, MOST batch recipes start with a 440ml can of condensed milk, as the binder.
So, by the time I add the biscuit base and other things like fruit and nuts, I'm looking at just under 2 litres of mixed Rumbally goodness.
With just 2 tablespoons of standard rum to carry the rum flavour through??

Sod that...

I started making my own, and even won a prize at one of the local competitions a couple of years back..

Fruit:-
Most rumballs I've seen elsewhere, use raisins/sultanas as the fruit, but I dont like the grittiness I get in them, so I use cranberries instead.
I start with packets of dried cranberries and dried apple; soaked in OP rum for at least a week, and then finely minced in a food processor.
Fruit mix lasts for well over a year in the fridge, as long as you always smooth the top of it flat, and then cover the surface with more OP rum, before putting it back into the fridge.
Turns out Nuthin is game to grow in that!

I add a nut substitute to my mix; originally used various nuts, but a couple of nieces tend to do 'Dead-Cockroach' impersonations when exposed to nuts.
I found that Pepitas roasted in an air-fryer at 140 degrees till they are toasted brown, and then blitzed in a food processor, gives a nigh identical nutty flavour/texture(and doesnt kill nieces).

So, MY Rumball mix, starts with the can of condensed milk into a large bowl, as well as a 200 gram lump of melted unsalted butter, to help with keeping the rumballs firm.
Into that, goes a cup and a half of the OP rum-fruit mince.
[None of this Wuuss-Bag '1-2 Tablespoons' CRAP!!]
~3 cups of a mix of Arnotts 'Choc Ripple', and 'Gingernut' biscuits(about 2:1 ratio), that have been blitzed into a fine powder.
~3 Cups of the Roasted Pepitas.
Half a cup of the moist Coconut flakes(Mackenzie brand)
About 6 tablespoons of Cocoa Powder, And/Or
About 4 tablespoons of a good quality Drinking Chocolate Powder(One without obvious sugar granules, and a high cocoa content).

Mix the living crap out of this with a wooden spoon, and if I'm looking for a Bitey batch, I'll add about 50mls of extra OP rum into the mix as I'm stirring it thoroughly.
For Wussy batches, I omit the extra rum.

Once mixed thoroughly, it should now be the consistency of a thick paste.
Add more biscuit and/or Pepitas if it's still a bit runny.

For the Bitey batches, a teaspoon-sized portion should nearly make your mouth go numb, but this quietens down once they are finished and rolled out.
For Wuussy batches, the rum kicks in at the end; after the taste of Choc, and nuts.
[Amazing how many people whinge that 'the Bitey batches are too bitey', but refuse to hand them back for a milder batch...]

The bowl goes into the freezer, and left to harden for a day or so.
Roll them out using a teaspoon to scoop out a suitable portion, roll them into a ball, and then roll them in desiccated coconut to finish them off.
Back into the freezer for storage, though they will retain their shape for quite a while in the fridge.
We keep them in the freezer, though.

I do warn people that the Bitey batches, you'd probably only need 3 to be registering on a Drink-Driving breath test..
[Also that you'd be eyeing off that Crested pigeon in the yard, and thinking about how you could 'Do' him in a fight...]

For the Wussy balls, I'd suggests that the upper limit might be 5-6 balls before you run into the same issues...

Mean-time, I continue my push to have all commercial sales of 'Rumballs', be re-badged as 'Balls'..

Rant over...Happy 2025.

[bigpete]

Lolololol