Joke Thread :lol:

[Lazarus]

It was a compound word, of about 20+ letters, no doubt colloquial.

Thanks anyway Jim.

[Die Judicii]

Jim,
Laz has done a (I think) pretty good job at translation via a phone pic.
I still have no option to be able to PM you,,,,, even though we have conversed successfully a year or more ago.
I'm wondering if you have somehow black listed me ?

[Peterwho]

Lazarus, if you don’t have the book “English Grammar for Students of German”, I recommend you get it. My wife was a languages and Esol teacher and used it a lot

[Oldbloke]

Apparently Jim Chalmers is even helping the spies in this budget. Perhaps Sigfied only pays low salaries.

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[NTSOG]

G'day DJ,

No you're not blacklisted, and my Inbox is only at 3% full. I don't understand what has happened. Es tut mir leid dass ich nicht das Übersetzen machen kann. *

* I'm sorry I can't do the translation.

[Lazarus]

Lazarus, if you don’t have the book “English Grammar for Students of German”, I recommend you get it. My wife was a languages and Esol teacher and used it a lot

Thanks Peter

[Jackaroo]

More jokes less German studies

[Country girl]

A woman is looking at herself in front of the mirror, she says to her husband “I’ve got wrinkles, bags under my eyes and I’m overweight.. tell me something good about myself..”

Husband replies “ Well... there’s bugger all wrong with your eyesight”.

[Larry]

Plinkster the only alias I can remember and of course shooter girl from the many you created. Why not just reserect one of the old ones

[Lazarus]

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A rare selfie of the leader of the noalition

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[Lazarus]

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[Lazarus]

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[Oldbloke]

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife..
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it's 3am in the morning and it's bloomin' well pouring with rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself! "God loves drunk people too you know."
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk!!!!!!!!!!

[Oldbloke]

Rules.
Permalink

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in W.A. and mine is in Tassie.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust

[Lazarus]

You should be in the Music Halls OB.

Boom boom

[Lazarus]

Rules.
Permalink

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in W.A. and mine is in Tassie.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust

You missed one:

Talking about wives, now take my wife.

Somebody, please, take my wife.

[Lazarus]

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[Die Judicii]

I think HOWARD is a really nice name,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, but,,
JOHN is just a four letter word.

[Oldbloke]

https://youtu.be/bXhe5seWiRA

https://youtu.be/7PeOeloKc7Q

[Lazarus]

https://youtu.be/bXhe5seWiRA

https://youtu.be/7PeOeloKc7Q

Loved Alice (Emma Chambers), shame she's no longer with us.

[Lazarus]

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[Oldbloke]

https://youtu.be/bXhe5seWiRA

https://youtu.be/7PeOeloKc7Q

Loved Alice (Emma Chambers), shame she's no longer with us.

Yep, great show. Been on Sunday evening for a few weeks now.

[Lazarus]

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[Lazarus]

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[Lazarus]

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[Vince24]

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[Vince24]

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[Lazarus]

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[Lazarus]

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[Lazarus]

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