Joke Thread :lol:

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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 03 Oct 2021, 7:50 pm

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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Die Judicii » 04 Oct 2021, 2:03 am

OB,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, the answer is simple.

Give her the necessary bank details (if she hasn't already got em)

And let her pour molten chocolate all over.
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Die Judicii » 04 Oct 2021, 2:22 am

A man goes in to a brothel,, while his mate waited outside.
Shortly thereafter an ambulance arrived and transported the man to hospital.

His mate then attended said hospital to visit the man,, and asked what went wrong and led to his hospitalization.

The man replied,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
After paying for the house special, I was surrounded by several naked beauties who set about decorating my manhood with,,,,,,,,,,
a selection of tropical fruits,, chocolates,,, and whipped cream.
He said that it looked so damm delicious,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I ate it myself.
I do not fear death itself... Only its inopportune timing!
I've come to realize that,,,,, the two most loving, loyal, and trustworthy females in my entire life were both canines.
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 04 Oct 2021, 5:26 am

Lol
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 05 Oct 2021, 4:28 pm

Yep, you gotta laugh. Certainly not towards parliament house. :D

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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 05 Oct 2021, 4:34 pm

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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 05 Oct 2021, 5:26 pm

Research shows that 80% of men don.t know how to use condoms.

These men are called dads.
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 05 Oct 2021, 5:34 pm

After fighting some crime, Superman wanted to score some action.

He flew over to Wonder Woman's apartment to see if she was available.

As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonder Woman naked on the bed with her legs wide open.

Superman thought to himself, "I'm faster than a speeding bullet; I could be in there, have sex, and be out again before she knew what happened."

So Superman did his super thing in a split second and flew off happily.

Meanwhile back on the bed, Wonder Woman asked, "Did you hear something?"

"No!" said the Invisible Man, "But my ass sure hurts like hell!"
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 05 Oct 2021, 5:36 pm

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India.
The Manager said, 'Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it, you cannot qualify for this job.
' Mujibar said, 'I am ready.
' The manager said, 'Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink, and Green .
' Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, 'Mister Manager, I am ready.
' The manager said, 'Go ahead..
' Mujibar said, 'The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, Yellow, this is Mujibar.
' Mujibar now works at the call center.
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 05 Oct 2021, 5:45 pm

Mickey Mouse is in the middle of a nasty divorce from Minnie Mouse.

Mickey spoke to the judge about the separation.

"I'm sorry Mickey, but I can't legally separate you two on the grounds that you say Minnie is mentally insane," said the judge.

Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was mentally insane, I said that she's f*cking Goofy!"
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 05 Oct 2021, 5:46 pm

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs.

She got worried and asked her mom about that hair.

Her mom calmly said, "That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair." The girl smiled.

At dinner, she told her sister, "My monkey has grown hair."

Her sister smiled and said, "That's nothing; mine is already eating bananas."
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Lsfan » 05 Oct 2021, 7:38 pm

Oldbloke wrote:After fighting some crime, Superman wanted to score some action.

He flew over to Wonder Woman's apartment to see if she was available.

As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonder Woman naked on the bed with her legs wide open.

Superman thought to himself, "I'm faster than a speeding bullet; I could be in there, have sex, and be out again before she knew what happened."

So Superman did his super thing in a split second and flew off happily.

Meanwhile back on the bed, Wonder Woman asked, "Did you hear something?"

"No!" said the Invisible Man, "But my ass sure hurts like hell!"

Oi Oldboy! Ain't no second prize. That's my joke from a couple of pages ago!
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 05 Oct 2021, 8:17 pm

OH. Well best do it twice because it's twice as good as most. Lol.
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Lsfan » 05 Oct 2021, 8:43 pm

Oldbloke wrote:OH. Well best do it twice because it's twice as good as most. Lol.

Thats ok, you're the star of the show with the jokes. Keep em coming!
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by cz515 » 05 Oct 2021, 9:11 pm

An honest government ad

https://youtu.be/Vb5OKrYzZp8
When good men and women can’t speak the truth, when facts are inconvenient, when integrity and character no longer matter, when ego and self-preservation are more important than national security — then there is nothing left to stop the triumph of evil
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Die Judicii » 05 Oct 2021, 11:14 pm

Another story about "Mujibar"

The local radio station started running a contest whereby you could call up and see if you could stump the DJ with a word that he didn't know.
So, Mujibar rang up with the word "Garn"
The DJ said he couldn't recall that word,,,,,,, but could he (Mujibar) put it in a sentence.
So Mujibar says,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "You can all garn get f@#ked"

The DJ got all angry and hung up the phone.

Months later,,,,,,,, the contest was still ticking along,,,, and Mujibar decided to have another go.
The DJ had of course by then forgotten Mujibar.

So Mujibar gets back on air with the word "Smee"

The DJ is again not too sure,,,,, and asks if he could put the word Smee into a sentence.

Mujibar replies,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, "Smee again,,,,,, and you can all garn get f@#ked."
I do not fear death itself... Only its inopportune timing!
I've come to realize that,,,,, the two most loving, loyal, and trustworthy females in my entire life were both canines.
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 06 Oct 2021, 12:22 am

:clap: :drinks:
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by bigpete » 06 Oct 2021, 6:45 pm

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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Die Judicii » 07 Oct 2021, 4:15 pm

A bit lame I know,,,,,,,,,

What would you get if you fed a feral pig with fermented corn ?

A: AP ( Animal P!ssed )

Sorry Mate,,,,,, couldn't help it,,,,, my fingers just hit the keys. I guess it would be correct if it were a Kiwi saying it. :lol:
I do not fear death itself... Only its inopportune timing!
I've come to realize that,,,,, the two most loving, loyal, and trustworthy females in my entire life were both canines.
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by bah! » 07 Oct 2021, 7:46 pm

Apologies to the Simpsons
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 07 Oct 2021, 10:58 pm

Hunting Accident

A guy goes hunting. A gust of wind blew. The gun fell over and discharged, shooting him in the genitals. Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.
*"Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin there was very little internal damage and we were able to remove all of the buckshot.."*
*"What's the bad news?"* asked the hunter.
*"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis which left quite a few holes in it. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister.*"
*"Well I guess that isn't too bad,"* the hunter replied. *"Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"*
*"Not exactly,"* answered the doctor.
*"She's a flute player in the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra. She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye.."
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 09 Oct 2021, 4:35 pm

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Last edited by Oldbloke on 09 Oct 2021, 4:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 09 Oct 2021, 4:37 pm

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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 09 Oct 2021, 4:42 pm

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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Die Judicii » 09 Oct 2021, 6:02 pm

OB,,,,,,,,

re "The crack of Dawn" ,,,,,,,,,,,,, I always thought that the other saying was , "Where the sun don't shine" :unknown:


re "The pyramids" ,,,,,,,, I saw a cartoon years ago that showed a typical scene of the building process of a pyramid,,,, but they had heaps of steam shovels,
steam powered cranes, steam powered winches etc.
And the works supervisor was saying, "When we've finished,,,,,, we'll dismantle and destroy all the machinery so that in the far
distant future it'll have those bastards scratching their heads wondering how the hell we built em." :unknown:
I do not fear death itself... Only its inopportune timing!
I've come to realize that,,,,, the two most loving, loyal, and trustworthy females in my entire life were both canines.
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 09 Oct 2021, 8:43 pm

Die Judicii wrote:OB,,,,,,,,

re "The crack of Dawn" ,,,,,,,,,,,,, I always thought that the other saying was , "Where the sun don't shine" :unknown:


re "The pyramids" ,,,,,,,, I saw a cartoon years ago that showed a typical scene of the building process of a pyramid,,,, but they had heaps of steam shovels,
steam powered cranes, steam powered winches etc.
And the works supervisor was saying, "When we've finished,,,,,, we'll dismantle and destroy all the machinery so that in the far
distant future it'll have those bastards scratching their heads wondering how the hell we built em."
:unknown:


:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by cleger » 13 Oct 2021, 1:44 pm

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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 13 Oct 2021, 4:41 pm

:shock: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Die Judicii » 13 Oct 2021, 7:45 pm

Oldbloke wrote::shock: :lol: :lol: :lol:


I showed my partner the above posted "Bear" joke.

She said,,,,,, "Oh yuk, that is sick"

But as she walked off,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, she started laughing. :lol: :lol: :lol:
I do not fear death itself... Only its inopportune timing!
I've come to realize that,,,,, the two most loving, loyal, and trustworthy females in my entire life were both canines.
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 15 Oct 2021, 4:44 pm

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