Joke Thread :lol:

[Lazarus]

The Gibbon is like my wife she has an urge to upset the family just to get a reaction. Thats my theory anyway she sees it differently.

If you're game, buy her a giant wooden spoon.

Might be an idea to have your "safe place" ready

[Larry]

I really cant complain I have to agree with her really and then there is the point she treats me like a king most of the time.

[Lazarus]

I really cant complain I have to agree with her really and then there is the point she treats me like a king most of the time.

If it ain't broke don't fix it

[Lazarus]

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[Oldbloke]

The horse and sheep are good. Lol

[Die Judicii]

Four out of five voices in my head think that you are an idiot,,
The other one is deciding where to bury you.

[Lazarus]

Four out of five voices in my head think that you are an idiot,,
The other one is deciding where to bury you.

Mental health hotline.

"Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.

If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.

If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try to call again in a few minutes.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy."

[Lazarus]

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[womble]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=prrIXe66XXM&pp=ygUmYSBjb3cgZmx5aW5nIHRvIHRoZSB2ZXQgaW4gc3dpdHplcmxhbmQ%3D

[Lazarus]

Ricky Gervais' Funniest Best Friend Stories | Uni…: https://youtu.be/y3FhWqzKhVc

[Lazarus]

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For those who don't get that last one:
https://youtu.be/W3q8Od5qJio


For those who did
https://youtu.be/2kliAzNAJVg

[NTSOG]

Sehr geehrte Lazarus,

Bitte erklären Sie sich. Ich verstehe nicht 'Du hast ...' Was bedeutet das?

Ich freue mich darauf, von Ihnen zu hören.

Mit freundlichen Grüßen

Jim

[Lazarus]

Sehr geehrte Lazarus,

Bitte erklären Sie sich. Ich verstehe nicht 'Du hast ...' Was bedeutet das?

Ich freue mich darauf, von Ihnen zu hören.

Mit freundlichen Grüßen

Jim

mein freund Jim

Für die englischsprachigen die texte sind wie folgt:


You
You have
You have me
You have me to say
You have me to say
And I did not obey

Will you until death does sever
Be upright to her forever

Never

Will you 'til death be her rider
Her lover too, to stay inside her

Never

As with many things German, translation is not always directly possible

Beifall
Lazarus

[NTSOG]

Herr Lazarus

Jetzt verstehe ich. Vielen Dank, aber das Lied ist night von Schubert, Brahms oder Strauss komponiert! Deshalp weiss ich es nicht.

Jim

[Lazarus]

Herr Lazarus

Jetzt verstehe ich. Vielen Dank, aber das Lied ist night von Schubert, Brahms oder Strauss komponiert! Deshalp weiss ich es nicht.

Jim

You're welcome Jim.

It would be interesting to know what the classical composers would make of modern German, industrial, punk metal

[Die Judicii]

Herr Lazarus

Jetzt verstehe ich. Vielen Dank, aber das Lied ist night von Schubert, Brahms oder Strauss komponiert! Deshalp weiss ich es nicht.

Jim

Hey there Jim,
I wish I knew you had this vocabulary a while back now,,, I have a label that I badly need to have translated.
Any chance you might be able to help out ?

[Oldbloke]

From a Kiwi shooting forum.

"Shoot it, root it & then BBQ it !!!" Lol

[NTSOG]

G'day Die Judici,

I'm game to try to translate your document, but I might need help from Lazarus. I suspect his German is more advanced, idiomatic and sophisticated than my schoolboy and university German from 50 years ago. If you send me an image via a new general Off-topic post or via a PM I'll have a crack.

Jim

[Lazarus]

G'day Die Judici,

I'm game to try to translate your document, but I might need help from Lazarus. I suspect his German is more advanced, idiomatic and sophisticated than my schoolboy and university German from 50 years ago. If you send me an image via a new general Off-topic post or via a PM I'll have a crack.

Jim

Ah Jim, if only meine freund.

I'm battling, seemingly in vain, to teach myself via a computer program.
Learning German words and their meanings is ein kleiner Aufwand, putting them together into grammatically correct sentences is bending my brain cell.

Our conversation yesterday was courtesy of Dr Google's AI, I'm afraid.

Ich wollte schweigen, aber Ehrlichkeit ist die beste Politik, ja?

[Die Judicii]

G'day Die Judici,

I'm game to try to translate your document, but I might need help from Lazarus. I suspect his German is more advanced, idiomatic and sophisticated than my schoolboy and university German from 50 years ago. If you send me an image via a new general Off-topic post or via a PM I'll have a crack.

Jim

Yeah Mate, I thought about doing a PM the other night,, but,, at my end for some reason I don't get the option to send you a PM. (only you)
Cheers, Ed

[NTSOG]

G'day DJ,

Could you start a new Off-topic post and attach a copy of the article/document to be translated to it? It would give Lazarus and me a bit more practice with our German-English 'ubersetzen'. [I wouldn't have a clue as to why you can't send me - only me - a PM.]

Jim

[NTSOG]

Lazarus re German grammar: "....putting them together into grammatically correct sentences is bending my brain cell."

Yes, there are special rules about word order. Consider this English sentence: "The boy sitting in the tree." Auf Deutsch: "Der auf dem Baum sitzende Knabe." As you say literal translation to English can be strange: "The on-the-tree-sitting boy." Then, if my elderly memory serves me correctly, there is TOMP: Time, Object, Manner, Place in relation to the correct order of words in sentences in formal German and verbs often coming last. At least French is closer to English word order, e.g. "La plume de ma tante" - "The pen of my aunt.", but I could never cope with the French accent. It was far too subtle for me, whereas the German accent and pronunciation I found easier - except when I met Austrians whom I could never understand!

Jim

[Lazarus]

Thank you Jim, I think I learned more from that one response than I've managed in ages.
I'll apply TOMP.
The difference between me and a computer is, you only have to punch information into a computer once

We had compulsory language classes when I was in first form, our choice of French or German, but most of us spent more time tormenting the unfortunate lady given the task.
She wasn't teacher material, I clearly remember the day she realised the fact, she had said to us "I will not teach you until you are QUIET!"
I'm sure you can picture how well that worked.
I've often wondered what her next career choice may have been.

[Lazarus]

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[Lazarus]

You may also be able to solve something else for me Jim.

There's a German word with no English equivalent that means "to wait longer than necessary for something you want so that you'll enjoy it even more when you get it", a typically Germanic sentiment I can understand.

I realise that speaking a foreign language doesn’t mean one knows every obscure word, but I ask everyone I find who can sprechen sie deutsch.
It's about three mouths full of syllables and I've only heard it once, it's fascinated me ever since.

I've exhausted every search string I can think of, to no avail

[Die Judicii]

You may also be able to solve something else for me Jim.

There's a German word with no English equivalent that means "to wait longer than necessary for something you want so that you'll enjoy it even more when you get it", a typically Germanic sentiment I can understand.

I realise that speaking a foreign language doesn’t mean one knows every obscure word, but I ask everyone I find who can sprechen sie deutsch.
It's about three mouths full of syllables and I've only heard it once, it's fascinated me ever since.

I've exhausted every search string I can think of, to no avail

Hey Laz, that particular word you speak of,,,,,,,,,,, would no doubt be the most popular and most used word in Western Australia.

[NTSOG]

DJ how are you going with thagt article/document for translation?

Jim

[NTSOG]

Lazarus: 'to wait longer than necessary for something you want so that you'll enjoy it even more when you get it'


'Man muss länger als nötig auf etwas zu warten, das man sich wünscht um es mehr zu genießen......' [Literal: 'One must longer than necessary wait, for something that one wants for him/her-self so it more to enjoy...'] There's that German word order again!

However my German is Hochdeutsch or school German hence formal so I'm not good at colloquialisms or vernacular usage, especially those long compound words used by German speakers. I regret never having the opportunity to go live in Germany and really learn the language.

Jim

[Lazarus]

It was a compound word, of about 20+ letters, no doubt colloquial.

Thanks anyway Jim.

[Die Judicii]

Jim,
Laz has done a (I think) pretty good job at translation via a phone pic.
I still have no option to be able to PM you,,,,, even though we have conversed successfully a year or more ago.
I'm wondering if you have somehow black listed me ?