Joke Thread :lol:

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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 15 Oct 2021, 4:44 pm

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The greatest invention in the history of man is beer.
https://youtu.be/2v3QrUvYj-Y
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 15 Oct 2021, 4:45 pm

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The greatest invention in the history of man is beer.
https://youtu.be/2v3QrUvYj-Y
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 15 Oct 2021, 4:45 pm

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The greatest invention in the history of man is beer.
https://youtu.be/2v3QrUvYj-Y
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 15 Oct 2021, 4:46 pm

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The greatest invention in the history of man is beer.
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 19 Oct 2021, 6:34 am

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The greatest invention in the history of man is beer.
https://youtu.be/2v3QrUvYj-Y
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 30 Oct 2021, 10:00 am

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The greatest invention in the history of man is beer.
https://youtu.be/2v3QrUvYj-Y
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by cleger » 30 Oct 2021, 10:13 am

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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 30 Oct 2021, 10:18 am

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The greatest invention in the history of man is beer.
https://youtu.be/2v3QrUvYj-Y
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Bugman » 30 Oct 2021, 10:29 am

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For those of you with dogs.
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Die Judicii » 30 Oct 2021, 11:32 pm

Only an Aussie will understand this.

What to do if you find yourself hopelessly lost in the bush ??? :unknown:

Just follow a kangaroo,,,,,,, without doubt, it'll lead you straight to a road so you can sit or stand in the middle of it.

:lol:
I do not fear death itself... Only its inopportune timing!
I've come to realize that,,,,, the two most loving, loyal, and trustworthy females in my entire life were both canines.
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 18 Nov 2021, 5:34 pm

Paddy bought a donkey from a farmer for £100.
The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day he drove up and said, 'Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey's died.'
Paddy replied, 'Well then just give me my money back.'
The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I've already spent it.'
Paddy said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'
The farmer asked, 'What are you going to do with him?'
Paddy said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'
The farmer said, 'You can't raffle a dead donkey!'
Paddy said, 'Sure I can. Watch me.. I just won't tell anybody
he's dead.'
A month later, the farmer met up with Paddy and asked,
' What happened with that dead donkey?'
Paddy said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at £2 each
and made a profit of £898'
The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'
Paddy said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his £2 back.......
The greatest invention in the history of man is beer.
https://youtu.be/2v3QrUvYj-Y
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 25 Nov 2021, 7:53 pm

Lol. Abbott and Costello


https://youtu.be/kTcRRaXV-fg
The greatest invention in the history of man is beer.
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 01 Dec 2021, 8:29 pm

Recently, I was driving back to the Gold Coast from Port Douglas in Northern Queensland when I saw an elderly Aboriginal man walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, I stopped the car and asked the Aboriginal man if he would like a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the old man got into the car.



Resuming the journey, the old man just sat silently, looking intently at everything he saw, studying every little detail, until he noticed a brown paper bag on the back seat.

'What's in the paper bag boss, the old bloke said.

Without looking at the bag I said, ...'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my wife.'





The old Aboriginal man was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, he said:

'Good trade...'
The greatest invention in the history of man is beer.
https://youtu.be/2v3QrUvYj-Y
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 02 Dec 2021, 3:12 pm

Remember this bloke?
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The greatest invention in the history of man is beer.
https://youtu.be/2v3QrUvYj-Y
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 15 Dec 2021, 8:17 pm

The greatest invention in the history of man is beer.
https://youtu.be/2v3QrUvYj-Y
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Die Judicii » 15 Dec 2021, 10:20 pm

Oldbloke wrote:Who's first.

https://youtu.be/kTcRRaXV-fg


Wasted space,,,,,,,,,
You've gotta be a yank to think that's funny,,,,,,,,,,, especially seeing as how old it is. It's got whiskers longer than Grannies pussy.
I do not fear death itself... Only its inopportune timing!
I've come to realize that,,,,, the two most loving, loyal, and trustworthy females in my entire life were both canines.
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by JimTom » 16 Dec 2021, 8:43 am

Bahahahaha good honest review mate.
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 16 Dec 2021, 10:35 am

Hey, I'm deeply offended.
The greatest invention in the history of man is beer.
https://youtu.be/2v3QrUvYj-Y
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Die Judicii » 18 Dec 2021, 4:33 pm

Does anyone here know what Newtons 6th Law of gravity was/is ? :unknown:
I do not fear death itself... Only its inopportune timing!
I've come to realize that,,,,, the two most loving, loyal, and trustworthy females in my entire life were both canines.
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 28 Dec 2021, 9:42 pm

Evan lived in a retirement village and passed the time brewing for his neighbours and friends. It was not uncommon for him to have 8 fermenters on the go in his garage to keep up with demand.

His best mate Dave visited him one day. Evan was, as usual, in the garage tending the brews but was regularly checking his watch. At 1.30pm he stopped working and went to the end of his driveway which adjoined the road to the cemetery. A hearse soon appeared and Dave noticed Evan face the road, remove his cap and bow his head until it passed.

Dave said to Evan "That was a very respectful thing to do, mate"

Evan replied " The least I could do - I was married to her for forty years after all".

Moral of the story - get your priorities sorted.
The greatest invention in the history of man is beer.
https://youtu.be/2v3QrUvYj-Y
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 28 Dec 2021, 9:45 pm

Hunting with Dad.

Father and son went hunting together for the first time.
The father said: "Stay here and be very QUIET. I'll be across the field."
A few hours later the father heard a blood curdling scream and ran back to his son.
"What's wrong?' the father asked, ''I told you to be quiet.'
The boy, bless his heart, answered; "'Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet, I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck, I didn't move a muscle when the skunk climbed over my shoulder, I closed my eyes and held my breath when the wasp stung me, I didn't cough when I swallowed the gnat, I didn't cuss or scratch when the poison oak started itching but;
When the two squirrels crawled up my pant legs and said, 'Should we eat them here or take them with us?' ' Well, I guess I just panicked.
The greatest invention in the history of man is beer.
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 29 Dec 2021, 8:24 pm

This explains everything. 90sec :D

"GOD'S TECH SUPPORT"

https://youtu.be/BwaQRTo1Efo
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Die Judicii » 30 Dec 2021, 2:42 pm

A young American family decided to go for a drive,, and enjoy the day.
Shortly after getting on to the freeway,, they came up behind a vehicle that was being driven rather erratically.
The vehicle had personalized plates,,,,,,, which read "Lorraine"

Then, without warning something hit the young families windscreen with a thud before sliding off to the side and into the grass.

Young Johnnie sitting in the back seat said to his Father,,,, "What was that Dad ?"

His father not wanting to alarm his son replied "Nothing much,,,, it was just a bug"

To which Johnnie replied,,,,,, "Geee,,,, it had an awfully big d!ck"
I do not fear death itself... Only its inopportune timing!
I've come to realize that,,,,, the two most loving, loyal, and trustworthy females in my entire life were both canines.
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by Oldbloke » 30 Dec 2021, 3:47 pm

Queen Elizabeth And Dolly Parton die on the same day and they both go before St Peter to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.
Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so St Peter must decide which of them gets in.
St Peter asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these. They're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity.
St Peter thanks Dolly and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, drinks it down then pees into a toilet and pulls the lever.
St Peter says, "Okay, your Majesty, you may go in." Dolly is outraged and asks, "What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She pees into a toilet and she gets in!
Would you explain that to me?"
"Sorry, Dolly," says St Peter, "but even in Heaven, A Royal Flush Beats a Pair - No Matter How Big They Are. " !
The greatest invention in the history of man is beer.
https://youtu.be/2v3QrUvYj-Y
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by cz515 » 03 Jan 2022, 10:34 am

Latest news:

The virus was NOT made in China. Infact it was made somewhere else, it was just way cheaper cheaper to manufacture it in China, and as usual China stole the idea and made it available to everyone.

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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by womble » 06 Jan 2022, 2:36 am

I dream of a world where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by womble » 06 Jan 2022, 2:38 am

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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by womble » 06 Jan 2022, 2:39 am

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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by straightshooter » 06 Jan 2022, 8:43 am

Q. What's the difference between a pro Covid vaxer and an anti-vaxer?
A. None, they both will never be fully vaccinated.
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Re: Joke Thread :lol:

Post by womble » 06 Jan 2022, 1:57 pm

Novax Jokeofvic :D
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