Joke Thread :lol:

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Ricky Gervais On Britain's Got Talent??? | Scienc…: https://youtu.be/Z_IWZWlPIFE

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[Lazarus]

Gunna start selling these on ebay.
Time for a dose of chlorine in the gene pool

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[Oldbloke]

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[Oldbloke]

Yearly dementia test...if you dare!




Our Yearly Dementia Test

It's that time of year for us to take our annual senior citizen test.
Exercise of the brain is as important as exercise of the muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it!
Below is a very private way to gauge how your memory compares to the last test. Some may think it is too easy but the ones with memory problems may have difficulty. Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not.
The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer.
OK, relax, clear your mind and begin.



1. What do you put in a toaster?




























Answer: 'bread.' If you said 'toast' give up now and do something else..
Try not to hurt yourself.

If you said, bread, go to Question 2.





2. Say 'silk' five times. Now spell 'silk.' What do cows drink?










Answer: Cows drink water.. If you said 'milk,' don't attempt the next question. Your brain is over-stressed and may even overheat. Content yourself with reading a more appropriate literature such as Auto World.
However, if you said 'water', proceed to question 3.







3. If a red house is made from red bricks and a blue house is made from blue bricks and a pink house is made from pink bricks and a black house is made from black bricks, what is a green house made from?
















Answer: Greenhouses are made from glass. If you said 'green bricks,' why are you still reading these???
If you said 'glass,' go on to Question 4.




4 Without using a calculator - You are driving a bus from London to
Milford Haven in Wales ... In London , 17 people get on the bus.
In Reading , 6 people get off the bus and 9 people get on.
In Swindon , 2 people get off and 4 get on.
In Cardiff , 11 people get off and 16 people get on.
In Swansea , 3 people get off and 5 people get on.
In Carmathen, 6 people get off and 3 get on.
You then arrive at Milford Haven ...


Without scrolling back to review, how old is the bus driver?




















Answer: Oh, for crying out loud!
Don't you remember your own age?
It was YOU driving the bus!!


If you pass this along to your friends, pray they do better than you.

PS: 95% of people fail most of the questions!!

[Oldbloke]

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[Sarco]

When I was about 9 years old, I accompanied my father to the funeral of a friend of his, someone who I didn't even know.
When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the time to pass. Then a man approached me and said, 'Enjoy life kid, be happy because time flies. Look at me now, I didn't enjoy it: Then he passed his hand over my head and left.

My father, before leaving, forced me to say goodbye to the dead person. When I looked in the coffin, I was horrified to see that the man in the coffin was the same man who had spoken to me!
I was so traumatized I couldn't sleep properly. I had terrible nightmares. I was terrified of being alone. I couldn't sleep without a night light for many years.
I saw many psychologists, endured much turmoil throughout my adolescent years. It got better as I aged, but I would still occasionally wake up screaming in fear.

Years later, I discovered something incredible that changed my life.


The dead bastard had a twin…

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My spirit animal

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Hope he wasn't wearing his favourite boots

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[Oldbloke]

Mrs oldbloke asked.

Was he a copper or a yank?

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https://twitter.com/i/status/1749429274161864914

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[Oldbloke]

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[Larry]

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Make it a threesom he seems to have a hard on for Viktor Orban

[Lazarus]

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Make it a threesom he seems to have a hard on for Viktor Orban

Vik was holding the camera




And the lube bucket