Funny Putdowns

[Gwion]

Seen better heads hanging over a piss trough.

[Gwion]

I wouldn't piss in your ear if your brain was on fire.

[Gwion]

Were you born a f/wit or do you practice regularly???

[Die Judicii]

A man is watching two very loud and naughty kids in a supermarket.
One was about 4 yo,,,, and the other was about 10 yo.

He says to the Mum,,, "Nice twins"

The Mum says,,, "Are you stupid ?"

The man says "No, its just that I cant imagine any bloke coming back to you for seconds"

This may be a death wish, but one day I might get the opportunity to use that one.

[joker]

No one get over excited and start trying these jokes on random people you see today

[joker]

Lmaoo judicii that's gold. I'm going to copy that one now and send it to a few people lol

[bigfellascott]

A man is watching two very loud and naughty kids in a supermarket.
One was about 4 yo,,,, and the other was about 10 yo.

He says to the Mum,,, "Nice twins"

The Mum says,,, "Are you stupid ?"

The man says "No, its just that I cant imagine any bloke coming back to you for seconds"

This may be a death wish, but one day I might get the opportunity to use that one.

That's Gold

[bigfellascott]

I always said your old man had one good root in him, unfortunately you weren't it!

[Die Judicii]

Lmaoo judicii that's gold. I'm going to copy that one now and send it to a few people lol

Better post yer address up here,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
So we can all send GET WELL cards.

[joker]

I'll leave me P. O BOX details

Well you can make quiet a good assumption of what happened to me if I don't reply

[bigfellascott]

I'll leave me P. O BOX details

Well you can make quiet a good assumption of what happened to me if I don't reply

Ah just message us from Hospital!

[tom604]

I'll leave me P. O BOX details

Well you can make quiet a good assumption of what happened to me if I don't reply

Ah just message us from Hospital!

more like morgue

[bigfellascott]

I'll leave me P. O BOX details

Well you can make quiet a good assumption of what happened to me if I don't reply

Ah just message us from Hospital!

more like morgue

[joker]

For some reason it feels like you will enjoy seeing me in the hospital or morgue

makes me a bit worried if yous were to offer me to come hunting with yous

[bigfellascott]

Dunno where ya got that idea from?

[joker]

Dunno where ya got that idea from?

not to sure, maybe i must i've just gotten the wrong impression through reading the text

but i think i read it correctly

[Die Judicii]

Dunno where ya got that idea from?

not to sure, maybe i must i've just gotten the wrong impression through reading the text

but i think i read it correctly

Whatever floats ya boat,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, But keep it LIGHT fella.
It's only words, , and no-one wants to descend into "reading between the lines" or getting indignant.

[joker]

lol its always light

[Xerox]

not to sure, maybe i must i've just gotten the wrong impression through reading the text

but i think i read it correctly

Mods must be having fun reading this.

Same post could be a light hearted contribution or a dirty insult depending

[Die Judicii]

not to sure, maybe i must i've just gotten the wrong impression through reading the text

but i think i read it correctly

Mods must be having fun reading this.

Same post could be a light hearted contribution or a dirty insult depending

Maybe the invite to come shooting with us ( "yous" ) should be extended just so we can disprove the myth

Dunno where the hell I got that idea from

[Hardcast]

If brains were spoof, you wouldn't have enough to inseminate a fly.

If brains were gun powder, you wouldn't have enough to blow your hat off.

That (insert name, like Ford) wouldn't have enough power to pull your foreskin back.

Hello dream boat, oh sorry, not you ship wreck.

Foghorn Leghorn......................
"That boy's about as bright as a candle on a windy night."
"That boy's about as sharp as a bowling ball".
"Hey dog,.... if that boy was any dumber, he'd be you"
"Morning miss Prissy,.... what've you got in the bag, a husband ?"

[joker]

I think we should

[jake84]

A man is watching two very loud and naughty kids in a supermarket.
One was about 4 yo,,,, and the other was about 10 yo.

He says to the Mum,,, "Nice twins"

The Mum says,,, "Are you stupid ?"

The man says "No, its just that I cant imagine any bloke coming back to you for seconds"

This may be a death wish, but one day I might get the opportunity to use that one.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

[Die Judicii]

Not EXACTLY a Put Down,, but,

A small general store owner in the country was teaching a new sales assistant how best to make a sale, and then expand on it.

A fella comes in and asks for a pack of lawn seed.
The store owner says "Certainly sir,, but you'll need a roller, a hose, a sprinkler, and a lawnmower to go with the seed wouldn't you" ?

The fella replied saying of course,,, he hadn't thought that far ahead, and so the small sale of a pack of lawn seed became a major sale.

Now its your turn said the store owner.

A young lady came in and asked for a pack of Libra Slims.

The enthusiastic young sales assistant replied saying,, Certainly Miss, but you'd be needing a Honda lawn mower to go with them wouldn't you ?

The young Miss said Excuse me ??????????

The sales assistant said Well,,, your weekends f^*ked,,,, you may as well be useful and mow the lawns.

[brett1868]

lol its always light

Just like my wallet

[brett1868]

If I had a dog that looked like you, I'd shave its a$$ and teach it to walk backwards.
Your face resembles the south end of a north bound cow.
When you were born the Dr slapped your mum.
Do you work hard at being an A-hole or is it a natural ability?
If you were to double your brain you'd still be only a tenth as smart as me.
You're so uncoordinated you couldn't hit the "Any" key using all 10 fingers.

[bigfellascott]

Ya got a head like a pushed in s**t tin!

[DaleH]

out of your depth in a car park puddle

[joker]

A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"

"Well..., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Lexus"

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the three tests?"

"You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules."

So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender $10 which he stuffs into the jar.

"Okay," says the bartender, "here's what you need to do:

First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in 60 seconds or less, and you can't make a face while doing it."

"Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands."

"Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex. You have to take care of that problem."

The man is stunned! "I know I paid my $10 -- but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then do all those other things!"

"Your call," says the bartender, "but, your money stays where it is."

As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says, "Where's the damn tequila?!"

He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can. Tears stream down both cheeks -- but he doesn't make a face -- and he drinks it in 58 seconds! Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight -- then nothing but silence!

Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar. His clothes are ripped to shreds and he's bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body. He drunkenly says, "Now..., where's that old woman with the bad tooth?"

his isn't a put down and it's a tad long but it's good

[bigfellascott]