Funny Putdowns

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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by Xerox » 09 Jun 2015, 2:13 pm

joker wrote:not to sure, maybe i must i've just gotten the wrong impression through reading the text :roll:

but i think i read it correctly :lol: :lol:


Mods must be having fun reading this.

Same post could be a light hearted contribution or a dirty insult depending :lol:
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by Die Judicii » 10 Jun 2015, 11:05 am

Xerox wrote:
joker wrote:not to sure, maybe i must i've just gotten the wrong impression through reading the text :roll:

but i think i read it correctly :lol: :lol:


Mods must be having fun reading this.

Same post could be a light hearted contribution or a dirty insult depending :lol:



Maybe the invite to come shooting with us ( "yous" ) should be extended just so we can disprove the myth :unknown:

Dunno where the hell I got that idea from :unknown: :unknown: :unknown:
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by Hardcast » 10 Jun 2015, 1:26 pm

If brains were spoof, you wouldn't have enough to inseminate a fly.

If brains were gun powder, you wouldn't have enough to blow your hat off.

That (insert name, like Ford) wouldn't have enough power to pull your foreskin back.

Hello dream boat, oh sorry, not you ship wreck.

Foghorn Leghorn......................
"That boy's about as bright as a candle on a windy night."
"That boy's about as sharp as a bowling ball".
"Hey dog,.... if that boy was any dumber, he'd be you"
"Morning miss Prissy,.... what've you got in the bag, a husband ?"
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by joker » 10 Jun 2015, 1:28 pm

I think we should :friends:
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by jake84 » 10 Jun 2015, 3:21 pm

Die Judicii wrote:A man is watching two very loud and naughty kids in a supermarket.
One was about 4 yo,,,, and the other was about 10 yo.

He says to the Mum,,, "Nice twins"

The Mum says,,, "Are you stupid ?"

The man says "No, its just that I cant imagine any bloke coming back to you for seconds"


This may be a death wish, but one day I might get the opportunity to use that one. :evil:

hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha :drinks:
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by Die Judicii » 10 Jun 2015, 3:49 pm

Not EXACTLY a Put Down,, but,

A small general store owner in the country was teaching a new sales assistant how best to make a sale, and then expand on it.

A fella comes in and asks for a pack of lawn seed.
The store owner says "Certainly sir,, but you'll need a roller, a hose, a sprinkler, and a lawnmower to go with the seed wouldn't you" ?

The fella replied saying of course,,, he hadn't thought that far ahead, and so the small sale of a pack of lawn seed became a major sale.

Now its your turn said the store owner.

A young lady came in and asked for a pack of Libra Slims.

The enthusiastic young sales assistant replied saying,, Certainly Miss, but you'd be needing a Honda lawn mower to go with them wouldn't you ?

The young Miss said Excuse me ??????????

The sales assistant said Well,,, your weekends f^*ked,,,, you may as well be useful and mow the lawns.
I do not fear death itself... Only its inopportune timing!
I've come to realize that,,,,, the two most loving, loyal, and trustworthy females in my entire life were both canines.
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by brett1868 » 10 Jun 2015, 6:46 pm

joker wrote:lol its always light :lol: :lol: :D


Just like my wallet :D
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by brett1868 » 10 Jun 2015, 9:36 pm

If I had a dog that looked like you, I'd shave its a$$ and teach it to walk backwards.
Your face resembles the south end of a north bound cow.
When you were born the Dr slapped your mum.
Do you work hard at being an A-hole or is it a natural ability?
If you were to double your brain you'd still be only a tenth as smart as me.
You're so uncoordinated you couldn't hit the "Any" key using all 10 fingers.
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by bigfellascott » 10 Jun 2015, 11:08 pm

Ya got a head like a pushed in s**t tin!
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by DaleH » 11 Jun 2015, 12:18 am

out of your depth in a car park puddle
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by joker » 11 Jun 2015, 7:52 am

A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"

"Well..., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Lexus"

The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the three tests?"

"You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules."

So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender $10 which he stuffs into the jar.

"Okay," says the bartender, "here's what you need to do:

First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in 60 seconds or less, and you can't make a face while doing it."

"Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands."

"Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex. You have to take care of that problem."

The man is stunned! "I know I paid my $10 -- but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then do all those other things!"

"Your call," says the bartender, "but, your money stays where it is."

As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says, "Where's the damn tequila?!"

He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can. Tears stream down both cheeks -- but he doesn't make a face -- and he drinks it in 58 seconds! Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight -- then nothing but silence!

Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar. His clothes are ripped to shreds and he's bleeding from bites and gashes all over his body. He drunkenly says, "Now..., where's that old woman with the bad tooth?"

his isn't a put down and it's a tad long but it's good :D
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by bigfellascott » 11 Jun 2015, 9:41 am

:lol: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by tom604 » 11 Jun 2015, 9:47 pm

one i used today after i mucked up and a co/worker had a laugh at my expense ,, you know ,as bad as i am, im still twice as good as you :thumbsup: :lol:
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by pomemax » 11 Jun 2015, 10:17 pm

a bit of a put down or a pick up line ( I saw a guy use this line once NOT me ) in a real hot Night club said to a woman you dont sweat much for a fat bird i think he got if from a Billy Conelly tape . hes married to her now
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by joker » 12 Jun 2015, 8:22 am

pomemax wrote:a bit of a put down or a pick up line ( I saw a guy use this line once NOT me ) in a real hot Night club said to a woman you dont sweat much for a fat bird i think he got if from a Billy Conelly tape . hes married to her now


That actually worked? I've been going about it all wrong then trying to pick up :lol:
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by Die Judicii » 12 Jun 2015, 4:32 pm

joker wrote:
pomemax wrote:a bit of a put down or a pick up line ( I saw a guy use this line once NOT me ) in a real hot Night club said to a woman you dont sweat much for a fat bird i think he got if from a Billy Conelly tape . hes married to her now


That actually worked? I've been going about it all wrong then trying to pick up :lol:



There's nothing wrong with a bit of reverse psychology I guess,,,,,

Go for it, Grab it with both hands, and live for the moment.
:clap:
I do not fear death itself... Only its inopportune timing!
I've come to realize that,,,,, the two most loving, loyal, and trustworthy females in my entire life were both canines.
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by joker » 12 Jun 2015, 9:21 pm

Die Judicii wrote:
joker wrote:
pomemax wrote:a bit of a put down or a pick up line ( I saw a guy use this line once NOT me ) in a real hot Night club said to a woman you dont sweat much for a fat bird i think he got if from a Billy Conelly tape . hes married to her now


That actually worked? I've been going about it all wrong then trying to pick up :lol:



There's nothing wrong with a bit of reverse psychology I guess,,,,,

Go for it, Grab it with both hands, and live for the moment.
:clap:


I'll update on yous on how it works out :thumbsup: ;) :lol:
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by tom604 » 12 Jun 2015, 9:49 pm

with pics,,if the docs can remove your phone from where she rams it :lol: :lol:

a very ugly woman came up to me in a pub, grabbed my bum and said how about it? i said do you have a pen? she smiled and said yes well you better get back in it before the farmer knows your gone :twisted:

the docs say ill get full feeling in my legs back when the swelling of my meat and two veg go's down :lol: :lol:
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by Die Judicii » 12 Jun 2015, 10:07 pm

Absolute gold Tom,,,,
+2
I do not fear death itself... Only its inopportune timing!
I've come to realize that,,,,, the two most loving, loyal, and trustworthy females in my entire life were both canines.
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by joker » 13 Jun 2015, 12:19 am

Lmaooo
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by JOY » 13 Jun 2015, 8:50 am

Life's like a s**t sandwich
The more bread you got
The less s**t you have to eat. :geek:
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by Tiger650 » 13 Jun 2015, 8:30 pm

For anyone who tells you they have to go take a crap.

" If you had a proper one there would be nothing left but a skin and a pile of clothes ! "
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by Die Judicii » 13 Jun 2015, 9:25 pm

Tiger650 wrote:For anyone who tells you they have to go take a crap.

" If you had a proper one there would be nothing left but a skin and a pile of clothes ! "


I tell em to put a hat on before they go.
That way you can see which one survives and comes back.
:oops:
I do not fear death itself... Only its inopportune timing!
I've come to realize that,,,,, the two most loving, loyal, and trustworthy females in my entire life were both canines.
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by Chickenhawk » 15 Jun 2015, 10:52 am

Hardcast wrote:Foghorn Leghorn......................


The master :lol:
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by Die Judicii » 15 Jun 2015, 7:45 pm

Now here is a real "male chauvinist putdown",,,,,,

NEVER TRUST ANYTHING THAT CAN BLEED FOR A WEEK AND STILL NOT DIE. :shock: :shock:
I do not fear death itself... Only its inopportune timing!
I've come to realize that,,,,, the two most loving, loyal, and trustworthy females in my entire life were both canines.
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by jake84 » 16 Jun 2015, 7:03 am

Die Judicii wrote:Now here is a real "male chauvinist putdown",,,,,,

NEVER TRUST ANYTHING THAT CAN BLEED FOR A WEEK AND STILL NOT DIE. :shock: :shock:



hahahahhahahahahahah gold
you should think about getting health cover hahahahaha
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by Die Judicii » 17 Jun 2015, 11:18 pm

Said to one of those real morons,,,,,,,,,

Hey numbnuts,,You weren't born, you were spat out onto a corrugated iron fence, and left to hatch in the sun.
I do not fear death itself... Only its inopportune timing!
I've come to realize that,,,,, the two most loving, loyal, and trustworthy females in my entire life were both canines.
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by JOY » 19 Jun 2015, 5:18 pm

Die Judicii wrote:Now here is a real "male chauvinist putdown",,,,,,

NEVER TRUST ANYTHING THAT CAN BLEED FOR A WEEK AND STILL NOT DIE. :shock: :shock:




hey this is pretty offensive ...Right. :unknown:

The way some of you harlots piss and moan here I'd reckon you would more than like ly know. :clap:
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by Die Judicii » 20 Jun 2015, 11:38 am

JOY wrote:
Die Judicii wrote:Now here is a real "male chauvinist putdown",,,,,,

NEVER TRUST ANYTHING THAT CAN BLEED FOR A WEEK AND STILL NOT DIE. :shock: :shock:




hey this is pretty offensive ...Right. :unknown:

The way some of you harlots piss and moan here I'd reckon you would more than like ly know. :clap:


I dunno ?????????????

At least I share em equally on both sides of the gender fence.

:friends:
I do not fear death itself... Only its inopportune timing!
I've come to realize that,,,,, the two most loving, loyal, and trustworthy females in my entire life were both canines.
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by KWhorenet » 20 Jun 2015, 12:23 pm

Die Judicii wrote:
JOY wrote:
Die Judicii wrote:Now here is a real "male chauvinist putdown",,,,,,

NEVER TRUST ANYTHING THAT CAN BLEED FOR A WEEK AND STILL NOT DIE. :shock: :shock:




hey this is pretty offensive ...Right. :unknown:

The way some of you harlots piss and moan here I'd reckon you would more than like ly know. :clap:


I dunno ?????????????

At least I share em equally on both sides of the gender fence.

:friends:



What women don't see is what happens to us on the inside. sigh.

We do our bleeding from our heart and tears just don't exit our ducts, they simply dribble back into our sinuses and we use a bush hanky sleeve to wipe our noses.

But yeah I don't hold back on the rants if I get screwed for being generous and trusting. A blow up is for a reason, not for conversation only :roll:
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