Funny Putdowns

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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by North East » 08 Jul 2015, 11:44 pm

sandgroperbill wrote:You know what Victorians are?
Proof Tasmanians can swim.

See the pay phone over there? Here's 50c and you can tell somebody who cares. Or here. Have a dollar and you can tell them all.

You must have come from the shallow end of the gene pool.


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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by sandgroperbill » 08 Jul 2015, 11:50 pm

I can hunt virtually anywhere i want...












...as long as it's interstate
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by 6mmdasher » 09 Jul 2015, 6:47 pm

for the shorter of our kind
Stand up when you talk to me!
If I wanted any s---t out of you I would have squeezed your head.
For the south aussies!
living proof the tasmanians can swim!
Half an hour and ten years behind!
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by Die Judicii » 09 Jul 2015, 8:41 pm

Seeing as how South Australians are in the cross hairs at the moment ,,,,

All their problems start with the water they drink,, (Adelaide) >>>>> "Addle Aide"

:roll: :roll: :lol: :lol:
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by tom604 » 09 Jul 2015, 8:53 pm

xxxx because Queenslander's can't spell beer :drinks:

??? where do the Victorian's find all those cat's???,,,,,,,,V B :drinks:
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by Die Judicii » 09 Jul 2015, 10:13 pm

tom604 wrote:xxxx because Queenslander's can't spell beer :drinks:

??? where do the Victorian's find all those cat's???,,,,,,,,V B :drinks:


All the cats ???

That's easy, they import them from SA of course, :thumbsup:

:drinks: :friends:
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by hamish » 09 Jul 2015, 11:24 pm

He's that tight he wouldn't give you the steam of his sh.t ...or he'd skin his grandmother for a buck
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by VICHunter » 10 Jul 2015, 4:19 pm

sandgroperbill wrote:I can hunt virtually anywhere i want...



...as long as it's interstate


:lol: :lol: :clap:
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by Walt68 » 26 Jul 2015, 8:05 pm

you have the intelligence of a stillborn cockroach
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by sally-bee » 27 Jul 2015, 1:19 pm

It would be that the thread that is deliberately about arguing goes smoothly with no arguments :lol:
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by Die Judicii » 27 Jul 2015, 2:44 pm

My son once described his sisters boyfriend as having "the mechanical prowess of a mongoloid maggot".

Looking back, I'm sure he was correct. :lol:
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by Rocker » 28 Jul 2015, 3:02 pm

The boy had a good vocabulary on him then :lol:
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by Gaznazdiak » 22 Jul 2018, 4:42 pm

"Pull your head in"
"I would if I had one like yours"
"Well you might if you washed it"
fideles usque ad mortem
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by Stix » 22 Jul 2018, 7:42 pm

One of my favorites i use most times if im talking to someone & you get that rude someone else that walks up & interrupts...

I let them get part way into what they want to say & interrupt them back-.........- i tap them on the arm mid sentence & in a very animated way i say...

"oh ive just realised what ive done, im so very sorry, i cant believe ive done it again..(melodramatic sigh & shameful look down to the ground)....Its a bad habit i have, but at least im aware of it now & making an effort to accept i do it, & that will help me to eventually overcome the problem...again im so sorry, so please, accept my most humble apologies for talking while you were interrupting"...

Its an absolute cracker...leaves em so stumped they often forget what they were saying as they are getting laughed at by others nearby... :lol:
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by Thom318 » 23 Jul 2018, 9:10 pm

My absolute favourite was from Sir Churchill and an old puritant bag

Old Bag: Sir, if you were my husband, I'd poison you tea.
Churchill: Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it.

Or "He gives me the sh#ts like a Laxette curry"
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by Sarco » 23 Jul 2018, 11:01 pm

tom604 wrote:xxxx because Queenslander's can't spell beer :drinks:

??? where do the Victorian's find all those cat's???,,,,,,,,V B :drinks:


No XXXX because you cannot put Sh$t on a can of beer anywhere in the world
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by Member-Deleted » 23 Jul 2018, 11:24 pm

Some of mine are.

To someone who interjects without being asked. "If I want a pig, I will rattle a bucket."

To someone that whinges about being put down. "if you fly with crows, you have to expect to be shot at."

To let someone know how ugly you think they are. "If my dog's head was as ugly as yours, I would shave his arse and teach him to walk backwards."

To someone who has just done something dumb. "If brains were dynamite, you wouldn't have enough to blow your nose."

There are many more where these cam from.
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by Gwion » 24 Jul 2018, 4:37 pm

I wouldn't piss in your ear if your brain was on fire.....

And which rock did you crawl out from underneath.....

If I were a c..t, you'd be trying to lick me/ If I were a c...head, you'd be trying to suck me

You're mistaking me for someone who gives a f..k what you think.
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by darwindingo » 25 Jul 2018, 12:31 am

Your a load that should have been swallowed.

I wouldn't f**k you with a dead dingo's di*k..

Step out of my way before I step over you..

:drinks:
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by Die Judicii » 30 Jul 2018, 7:59 pm

And along those lines Jeff,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"You weren't actually born,, you were shot up against a hot tin fence, and left to hatch out in the sun"
I do not fear death itself... Only its inopportune timing!
I've come to realize that,,,,, the two most loving, loyal, and trustworthy females in my entire life were both canines.
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by Thom318 » 30 Jul 2018, 8:29 pm

I actually use these quite often
" X couldn't get a root in a whorehouse with a first full of fifties" or "couldn't organise a pi55 up in a pub on a Friday night"
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by Tiger650 » 30 Jul 2018, 9:17 pm

You have to envisage this, from "The Saint" many years back.

Roger Moore has an oily little ethnic type offering him a dodgy proposition, Moore makes a counter proposal whereby the OLET says.

"I will have to consult with my superiors"

Moore looks down his nose at the OLET and says.

"That could be almost anybody".
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by darwindingo » 30 Jul 2018, 10:49 pm

Die Judicii wrote:And along those lines Jeff,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"You weren't actually born,, you were shot up against a hot tin fence, and left to hatch out in the sun"


:lol: I'll have to borrow that one mate... :drinks:
“Accidental Discharges” DO NOT OCCUR !!

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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by Gwion » 08 Aug 2018, 1:09 pm

Thom318 wrote:I actually use these quite often
" X couldn't get a root in a whorehouse with a first full of fifties" or "couldn't organise a pi55 up in a pub on a Friday night"


Yep. My versions are work place related:
"Couldn't manage a root in a brothel"
"Couldn't organise a beer in a brewery"

And on the the road:
"Couldn't drive a greasy finger up his bum" (edited for user friendliness and to avoid offence)
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Re: Funny Putdowns

Post by SCJ429 » 27 Aug 2018, 6:28 pm

The movie Full Metal Jacket has some great put downs. The only one I can recall is "it looks like the best part of you ran down the crack of your Momma's ass and ended up as a brown stain on the mattress"
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