Any police on the forum?

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Re: Any police on the forum?

Post by AusC » 08 Jan 2014, 7:35 am

on_one_wheel wrote:What's the colour of a one cent coin?


Brown?

:P
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Re: Any police on the forum?

Post by Kipper » 08 Jan 2014, 8:37 am

How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, but he is never around when you need him.

:P
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Re: Any police on the forum?

Post by creet » 08 Jan 2014, 8:45 am

How many cop jokes are there? Just two, all the rest are true!

:lol:
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Re: Any police on the forum?

Post by on_one_wheel » 08 Jan 2014, 4:55 pm

A man purchased a new HSV to celebrate his wife leaving him and was out on the highway for a nice evening drive.
The motor was rumbling, the road was smooth and there was no traffic so he decided to open her up.
As the needle rose from 110 to 200 , he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a HSV," he thought to himself and opened her up further.
The needle hit 250.....Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.

The police cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "It's been a long hard day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday.
I don't feel like more paperwork, I don't need the frustration or the overtime, so if you can give me a really good excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."

The guy thinks about it for a second and says, "Last week my nagging wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!"

"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.
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Re: Any police on the forum?

Post by Warrigul » 08 Jan 2014, 6:47 pm

A young cop, fresh from the big smoke, equipped with a warrant goes to inspect a farm after a tipoff about a dope crop.

He rolls up at high speed and brakes, a cloud of dust rolling across the farmyard.

The old farmer casually strolls out and says "gidday".

All hyped up and ready to solve the worlds problems the cops goes" I have a search warrant and I will be searching your property"

Farmer: "Righto young fella but under no circumstances should you go...."

Cop: "Now look here, I am a police officer, I have a search warrant, you see this badge(shows badge) this allows me to go where ever I like on your property and you will respect this badge and do what I say"

Farmer: "Yes but down....."

Cop: "look what do you not understand about this badge? It allows me to go where I like and look at whatever I like, without interference from anyone DO YOU UNDER STAND?"

Farmer: "well okay when you put it like that go right ahead"

So after a couple of hours poking and prodding and really finding nothing more exciting than a leaking drum of sheep dip, the cop decides to check out a bit of bush down the back, the farmer goes to say something and the cop just holds up the badge and keeps walking.

He jumps the fence and strolls across the paddock, next thing you know he is running full tilt and screaming at the top of his lungs as the toey bull charges, HEEEEELP, HEEEELLLPPP MEEEEEEE, the farmer runs to the fence cups his hands and shouts: "SHOW HIM THE BADGE, SHOW HIM THE BADGE"

For what it is worth I think 95% of cops are decent and the remaining 5% would be better off doing something else, just like 95% of electricians are normal and the remaining 5% are sooky princesses.
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Re: Any police on the forum?

Post by JC102 » 08 Jan 2014, 10:34 pm

Hopefully in the next year or so. ;)
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Re: Any police on the forum?

Post by ebr love » 09 Jan 2014, 8:37 am

Warrigul wrote:just like 95% of electricians are normal and the remaining 5% are sooky princesses.


Well that's oddly specific :P
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Re: Any police on the forum?

Post by on_one_wheel » 09 Jan 2014, 8:59 am

ebr love wrote:
Warrigul wrote:just like 95% of electricians are normal and the remaining 5% are sooky princesses.


Well that's oddly specific :P



I'm pretty sure he ment just like 5% of electricians are normal and the remaining 95% are sooky princesses
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Re: Any police on the forum?

Post by Ariat » 09 Jan 2014, 9:25 am

on_one_wheel wrote:I'm pretty sure he ment just like 5% of electricians are normal and the remaining 95% are sooky princesses


He's just tired of being called a sooky princess and is shifting it to others :lol:
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Re: Any police on the forum?

Post by botfour » 09 Jan 2014, 12:32 pm

The Los Angeles Police Department , The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.

The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.

The CIA goes in.
They place animal informants throughout the forest.
They question all plant and mineral witnesses.
After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.

The FBI goes in.
After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies.
The rabbit had it coming.

The LAPD goes in.
They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.
The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
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Re: Any police on the forum?

Post by Warrigul » 09 Jan 2014, 6:04 pm

While we are on the subject of electricians:

NMT - No more tears a revolutionary new product from FLUIDSTAR


DESCRIPTION NMT is a versatile polymer additive, which provides the appearance of toughness and tear duct stabilization in all types of operators. NMT is supplied in 1kg bags, with cotton buds, which provides a convenient means of applying correct concentrations of the product.

APPLICATIONS NMT is a water-soluble polymer, which provides protection against crying from sensitive electricians by forming a tough impermeable filter cake around the eyes. It can be used as a single additive or with Liquid Heart, and other FS products. NMT is effective in Nimrods, Gay, Whiny, and male electricians who have vaginas.

NMT can be mixed and applied while the electrician is crying simply by adding the NMT to the bottom lip of the electrician. During the crying process water will stream down from the eyes and puddle near the lip. With the natural quivering motion of the bottom lip this will be enough agitation to mix the product allowing easy application to the tear duct with the cotton buds.

ADVANTAGES
• Soluble in water and can be mixed while crying is occurring
• Effective in small concentrations
• Very versatile product compared with most electricians
• Packaged in small bags with cotton buds for convenient measuring and easy application
• Effective on all electrical types
• Can be used as ‘one sack’ electrician enhancement
• Improves core recovery and reduces talk like “My Pussy hurts.”
• Non-toxic and environmentally acceptable

APPEARANCE Physical appearance White, free-flowing powder
pH 1% soln who cares


USAGE To reduce talk and whining, add 1 kg per electrician
To stabilize teary eyes and sand in vaginas etc, add 1-2 kg per offsider
To improve the properties of a electrician, add 2-3kg per electrician
Mix slowly through a hopper or beat the electrician with a rubber mallet

PACKAGING 1 kg bags


If anyone wants a better copy for circulation I have it in word, just PM me.
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Re: Any police on the forum?

Post by on_one_wheel » 09 Jan 2014, 11:02 pm

Australian Mud Company make one thats pretty good, AMC HTFU with thier special additive NMT, It's sold alongside thier Rock Softner line, not sre how well it works on sparkys because its formulated for drillers offsiders.
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Re: Any police on the forum?

Post by Old Fart » 10 Jan 2014, 7:58 am

A male driver is pulled over by a cop and the following conversation takes place:

Man: What's the problem officer?

Cop: You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone.

Man: No sir, I was going 65.

Wife: Oh Harry. You were going 80. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Cop: I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light.

Man: Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!

Wife: Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks. (Man gives his wife a dirty look.)

Cop: I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt.

Man: Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car.

Wife: Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt.

Man: Shut your mouth, woman!

Cop: Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?

Wife: No, only when he's drunk.
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