taffy4x4 wrote:Although we've been married nearly 30 years I recently bought my wife a pair of crotch less knickers, not for the reason you're thinking, it's so she can grip the broomstick better.
darwindingo wrote:Here is 15 reasons why I believe having dog is better than having a wife.!!!!!
1. The later home you are, the more excited your dog is to see you.
2. A dog doesn't notice if you call them by another dogs name.
3. A dog wont bitch if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
4. A dog's parents never visit.
5. A dog will comply when you raise your voice to get your point across.
6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.
7. A dog never complains when you come home drunk, they are just happy to see you!!.
8. Dogs are always excited when you decide to go hunting.....
9. A dog will never wake you up in the middle of the night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"
10. When a dog has babies, you can put up an ad and give them away if you want...
11. A dog will let you put a studded collar and a leash on it, without calling you a pervert.
12. Dogs don't know how to use your credit card....
13. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad,,, they just find it interesting.
And a personal favorite,
14. Dogs prefer to ride on the back of the ute…. They can yap away all they want back there.....
And last, but not least…,
15. If a dog decides to run off , it won't take half of your stuff in the process!!.
If you think otherwise, test the theory…….
Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for a couple of days without food and water, then open it and see who's happy to see you.
BRNO_Bigot wrote:A man washed up on a beach after a shipwreck.
Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed-up with him.
After looking around, he realised that they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.
One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.
As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man.
Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.
The sheepdog, ever-protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed-by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.
The only survivor was Nicola Sturgeon, Leader of the Scottish Nationalists.
That evening, the man brought Nicola to the evening beach ritual.
It was another beautiful evening - red sky cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.
Pretty soon, the man started to get those feelings again.
He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave in and leaned over to Nicola and told her he hadn't had sex for months.
Nicola batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him?
He said, 'Take the dog for a walk.'
BRNO_Bigot wrote:The Australian Taxation Office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand and sent an agent to investigate him.
ATO AUDITOR: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".
Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bundaberg rum and a dozen Crown Lagers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally".
ATO AUDITOR: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".
Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know?
Gwion wrote:And the point of those stories......