Jokes

[Gaznazdiak]

Did you hear about the Christian Iraqi?

He was a shyte Muslim.

[Daddybang]

[Gaznazdiak]

A young man is hiking alone in a bleak mountain range when he becomes disoriented in a storm and finds himself hopelessly lost.
Night falls, the storm turns to a blizzard and the man fears he'll frreeze to death. Weak and cold he staggers into a clearing and sees a light ahead.
The man has just enough energy to stagger to the door of a large stone building that looms out of the swirling snow.
After banging for some time, he is finally let in by a tonsured monk.
After a soak in a hot bath and a meal, the man is feeling much better. The monk looking after him tells him he has arrived on their entertainment night and invites the man to join them in the great hall of the monastary.
Once in the hall the man is seated with the others and the Abbott takes the stage to get proceedings underway.
"Who will be first?" asks the Abbott.
Dozens of monks put up their hands, the Abbott points to one, the monk stands, clears his throat and says "21".
The man is bemused by the laughter in response to this.
One after the other monks are chosen, stand and say a number and the audience would laugh.
Thinking he must have wandered into an asylum, he politely asks his guide what is going on.
"It's joke night" replied the monk, "but we only know a few and we've heard them so many times that we numbered them. Someone says the number, we remember the joke, see?"
Wanting to fit in after the kindness show him, the man asks if he can have a turn.
Given permission, the man stands and after consideration, says "164".
Riotous hilarity ensues with monks falling about laughing helplessly.
Wondering at the result, the man finally calms his companion enough to ask what was so funny.
At last catching his breath, the monk replied, "We haven't heard that one before".

[Gaznazdiak]

[Gaznazdiak]

9

[Gaznazdiak]

[Gaznazdiak]

[Daddybang]

I have a couple of horses and a couple of rifles and a bottle of rum!!!! Friday night entertainment is sorted

[Gaznazdiak]

Hey daddybang, I'd be careful with those plans, my horse is a hopeless shot when he's been drinking rum. Spooky good when he drinks beer though, go figure.

[Gaznazdiak]

Rural crime is reaching epidemic proportions.

Even the rabbits have started installing home security.

[Sarco]

Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday.As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.

[Gaznazdiak]

A young lady was walking down the street one day when she came upon a ladder leaning against the side of a building, a sign hanging on the ladder said "Climb This Ladder To Success!"
Her curiosity piqued, she climbed the ladder up to the roof of the building, where she found a naked, hairy old fat man who grinned at her and said "Hi, I'm Cess "

[Gaznazdiak]

[Gaznazdiak]

[Gaznazdiak]

[Gaznazdiak]

9

[Gaznazdiak]

[Gaznazdiak]

[Gaznazdiak]

[Gaznazdiak]

[Gaznazdiak]

[Gaznazdiak]

[Gaznazdiak]

A young Apache boy and his father were sitting by the fire one night when the boy looks at his father and says "Father, how do we get our names?"
"It's an ancient tradition son" said the father, "when a child is born the midwife hands him to his father who holds him up to inspect him to see if he is worthy, then the father steps out of the teepee with the child and names him after the first thing he sees."
"Oh, ok" replied the boy.
"So" said the father, "why do you ask, Two-Dogs-Rooting?"

[Daddybang]

So if sex in the morning makes ya whole day what does anal sex in the evenings make??


Ya hole weak

[Member-Deleted]

An old bloke was sitting in the pub with his dog at his feet
A tourist came in and thought it was nice to see a man and his dog sitting together at the bar
The Tourist asks the man what do you do for a living ?
Man replies SHEEP !
Tourist says'' so this is a sheep dog
Man says ''NOPE'' he's a BLACKSMITH
Tourist says you have got to be kidding a dog can't be a blacksmith
Man says Yeah they can give me $100 and i'll get him to make something
The tourist gives the old man $100 and says ok get him to make something
The old man called his dog over lifted its tail then jammed his lit cigar into the dogs butt
The dog let out a yodle and took off out the door
The old man said there ya go he just made a bolt for the door

Cheers

[Oldbloke]

An old lady went to the doctors; I dont know whats wrong with me, she says. I keep farting but my farts are silent and odourless. In fact, Ive farted 20 times since walking in here without you noticing.

The doctor gives the lady some medication and instructs her to return in a weeks time.

At her next appointment, the lady has noticed a change.

I dont know what was in those pills you gave me, but my farts now stink like hell. Theyre still silent, though.

The doctor smiles. Well, now that weve cleared up your sinuses we can work on your hearing.

[tom604]

surprise sex in the morning is great








not so much if your in prison

[Gaznazdiak]

Hey daddybang, no offence old sweet, but if you're finding sex to be a pain in the arse, might one suggest that you are perhaps doing it wrong?ly

[Daddybang]

Hey daddybang, no offence old sweet, but if you're finding sex to be a pain in the arse, might one suggest that you are perhaps doing it wrong?ly

Cheeky bas@#rd hey!!

[Gaznazdiak]

Cyril and Cecil, two old gay guys who have been a couple for decades, were walking arm in arm down the main street one evening.
"Pardon darling" said Cyril, "I have to pass wind", he paused for a second and a soft breathy whoosh was barely heard.
Several minutes later, Cecil says, "Cyril dear, a moment please, I too need to pass wind" Cecil stops for a second and another barely audible whoosh is released.
Two blocks further down the street the couple is passing a pub when a big burly sailor staggers out onto the footpath, lifts one leg and lets rip with a long, loud vibrato fart that echoed off the buildings across the street.
Cyril grabbed Cecil by the arm and said wistfully, "Look Cecil, a virgin"!