Joke Thread :lol:

[Oldbloke]

Forgot I had this one.

Screenshot_20220301-072618_Facebook.jpg (201 KiB) Viewed 40781 times

[Bello]

I could do with one of these with all the rain we have been having

[Oldbloke]

Bello. Ha, ha. That's funny.

[Oldbloke]

Mozzie trap.

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[womble]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zh60QxQzxHs

[Bello]

.

[cz515]

Hmm I need to call my therapist right now

[Oldbloke]

Hmm I need to call my therapist right now

Ageee 100%

[straightshooter]

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts.
He'd toss them in the air, and then catch them in his mouth In the middle of catching one, his wife asked him a question - and as he turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper. He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they became worried and decided to go to the hospital.
As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date. After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he could get the peanut out.
The young man told the father to sit down, then proceeded to shove two fingers up the father's nose and told him to blow hard. When the father blew, the peanut flew out of his ear. The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing.
Once he was gone, the mother turned to the father and said, 'That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to be when he grows older?'
The father replied, 'From the smell of his fingers, our son-in-law.

[womble]

[cz515]

Lol

[cz515]

Operation REDSPICE. The coalition govt is spending 10 billion on a program that doesn't exist yet. Was only thought off a few days ago.

Yay

[Oldbloke]

Yeh, lol. Not bad

[on_one_wheel]

OK... I was stitched up real good and propper on this April 1st joke

https://www.drive.com.au/news/federal-g ... car-sales/

[Oldbloke]

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[womble]

[Bugman]

The end result of a really bad blind date.

[womble]

I see you have high standards.
When in regional NSW...

[Bello]

Friday funnies

[Oldbloke]

Lol

[NTSOG]

G'day Bello,

I once lived in Melbourne next to Darebin Park in Ivanhoe. A neighbour took his pair of Weimaraners for a walk in the park and turned them loose to run. When he called them back they came at a run carrying a long 'stick' just as the two dogs in the photo. However it wasn't a stick, but a long Tiger Snake. Both dogs were bitten, but survived after urgent veterinary treatment. The area along Darebin Creek was full of snakes.

Jim

[Die Judicii]

If Olive Oil is made out of olives,,,,,,,,,,
And, Prune Juice is made out of prunes,,,,,,,,,

What's Johnsons Baby powder made out of ?

[noneyabussiness]

If Olive Oil is made out of olives,,,,,,,,,,
And, Prune Juice is made out of prunes,,,,,,,,,

What's Johnsons Baby powder made out of ?

apparently something toxic... by the litigation against them...

[straightshooter]

If Olive Oil is made out of olives,,,,,,,,,,
And, Prune Juice is made out of prunes,,,,,,,,,

What's Johnsons Baby powder made out of ?

An older version of that one is....
If a Lock Smith fixes locks
and
A Gun Smith fixes guns
What does Dick Smith do?

[Robin]

What do you get when you pour boiling water into a rabbit hole?

Hot, cross bunnies!

[cz515]

Scissor beats paper.
But will smith beat rock?

[Die Judicii]

Scissor beats paper.
But will smith beat rock?

Ever since being a young kid I detested that game,,,,,, and still do think it's just so stupid and lame,,,,,,,

But,,,,,,,,, I'll give it to you,, that is bloody funny.

[cz515]

A Son asked his dad: "Dad, how comes my sister is called Teresa?" "Because your mum loves Easter and it's an anagram of Easter" he replied. "Thanks Dad", "No problem Alan"

[Oldbloke]

Cheapest meat out is deer balls................... ........they're under a buck.................... .....

I'll have moar money saving tips in the future.

[Oldbloke]

Sex after death.

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death.

Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all.

After a long life together, Frank was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact: "Kris, Kris, can you hear me?"

"Is that you, Frank?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

"That's wonderful! What's it like?"
"Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course.

I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times.
Then I have lunch (and Kris, you'd be proud -- lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to the golf course again.

Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again."

"Oh, Frank! Are you in Heaven?"

"No -- I'm a rabbit somewhere in Scotland"