Joke Thread :lol:

[womble]

[Lazarus]

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[Lazarus]

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[Lazarus]

That last one should be on the welcome page for new users

G'day Larry

Or perhaps........

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[Oldbloke]

My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset----I shall be home before midnight.

When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:

My Dear Husband, I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 57 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 57 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local high school. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference - 18 goes into 57 a lot more times than 57 goes into 18. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow..

[Oldbloke]

Good onya Kirk.

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[Die Judicii]

I got the last one on the weekend.

Me Whats wrong honey.
Her Im not happy
me why
Her I am angry at you
Me why is that
Her I dont know.

[Die Judicii]

Haven't read the bible for quite a few years,,,,,,,, but I think it goes a bit like this,,,,,,,,,,,,

"And on the seventh day,,,,,,,,,, God made man,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, but,,,,,, she was only joking.

[Die Judicii]

My dear departed Dad used to say,,,,,,,,,,, "Not often your right,,,,,,,, but yer wrong this time.

[Lazarus]

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[Lazarus]

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[Oldbloke]

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[Lazarus]

A young Native American boy went up to his father and said "Father, everyone in the tribe has different names, how do we get our names?"

The father sat the young boy down beside him and explained.
"It is simple my son, when a new child is born and the father has held the baby for the first time, he closes his eyes and is led from the tepee. The father stands and contemplates the baby and when he feels the moment is right, he opens his eyes and the first thing he sees is the sign of what to choose."

The young boy is fascinated.

"When I was born" continued the father, "the first thing my father saw was the sunrise, so he named me Red Sky, your mother was so named because her father saw a little sparrow.
Why do yo ask, Two Dogs Fukking?"

[Lazarus]

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[Lazarus]

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From the new Sesame Street Up Late show

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[Lazarus]

What's the difference between light and hard?



You can go to sleep with a light on.

[Lazarus]

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[Lazarus]

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[Oldbloke]

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2023-02-10/ ... c_news_web

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